no one's ultimate self-esteem - - his commitment to his social role - - may be injured.
dissension or difference of opinion must not appear in the open because the group's harmony might seem to be damaged. Together with the importance of the group goes the deepest fear of the individual member of it: exclusion. And so no one must seem to be left out of the process of charting the direction in which the group decides to move.
The dangers of disharmonious conflict, of injured role pride, of involuntary exclusion, are eliminated as much as possible by making all preliminary consultation nonbinding, extensive, long-lasting, and discreet.
the danger of public conflict and damage to group prestige if leaders confer and bargain openly.
the Japanese fabric is woven of more flexible stuff and its warp and woof are not adherence to the rules but sensitive mutual understanding of role-dictated exigencies.
because leadership is less pushing and because dissension about issues has to be disguised, open rules and safeguards governing the use of power are not developed. And because there are not formal safeguards to prevent the abuse of power and because power acts invisibly rather than in the open, it is distrusted. Most Japanese expect a man in a position of authority not to behave well.
That extreme sensitivity, that tender concern for one's image in the eyes of others
of all the means not to arrive at a decision, the vote is the best. It guarantees that the minority will be publicly shamed, humiliated, ignored, excluded - all those things that... make one most angry
Because the group must be maintained, no decision is preferable to a decision reached at the cost of setting faction against faction, bringing conflict into the open, and sowing the seeds of enmity and revenge by excluding or humiliating the minority.
Because roles are inflexible, personal contact has to be flexible. Learn to express and to detect a wordless benevolence, and unspoken intimacy, an appreciation of nuance, an assurance of trust that cannot be spoken. Develop a sensitivity to emotional tones... If a man is hurt or resentful, he will not tell you; it is your duty to know without being told. Feel much and speak little; to speak much and feel little will be your most characteristic mistake in Japanese eyes.
Japanese parents also emphasize pro-empathy forms of discipline quite heavily. Conroy, Hess, Azuma, and Kashiwagi found that American mothers tended to prefer discipline via the assertion of maternal authority and power, whereas Japanese mothers used such empathy-oriented approaches as describing how a child's misbehavior would hurt others' feelings. Lebra provided an example, "if you don't stop doing that, it is I who will suffer most. Try to put yourself in my place." These Japanese practices evidently provide training in the vicarious experiencing of others' feelings.
A valued sign of maturity in Japan is the capacity for ittaikan - -a feeling of merger or oneness with persons other than self. The capacity for ittaikan ideally develops to the point that vicarious experience is virtually reflexive
Socially well educated Japanese can read subtle cues to others' thoughts and feelings, identify areas of agreement, and thus keep their words and deeds carefully attuned to others.
Moral development in Japan involves learning a complex system of societally sanctioned rules. Children are trained to conform to norms for their sex, age, birth order, and position in a group. These norms, in the words of Benedict, "require subordinating one's own will to the ever-increasing duties to neighbors, to family and to country." In conforming to these norms, individuals give up considerable primary control, but they harness, in exchange, the predictive secondary control that comes with knowing exactly what others expect one to do and exactly how others will respond. The Japanese are also described by several ethnographers as submitting to "shoulds" and "oughts" for the very reasons discussed by Fromm. He attributed such submission to a "tendency to give up the independence of one's individual self and to fuse one's self with somebody or something outside oneself in order to acquire the strength which the individual self is lacking." To the extent that Fromm's analysis applies to Japanese children, their submissive behavior reflects a pursuit of vicarious secondary control.
An overarching theme in Japanese socialization is the cultivation of skills in maintaining harmony or "goodness of fit" with others. Research has shown that, as early as kindergarten and first grade, Japanese youngsters favor cooperative group activities over competition and individual activities, whereas American children favor individual pursuits. [But there are also conflicting findings.] From his studies of social interaction, Bamlund concluded that learning group skills in the United States means learning to "stand out," that is, to make one's individuality salient, but that in Japan, by contrast, one teams to "stand in:' that is, to become so identified with the group that one=s individuality is not noticed. Socially well educated Japanese can read subtle cues to others' thoughts and feelings, identify areas of agreement, and thus keep their words and deeds carefully attuned to others.
The importance of maintaining harmonious alignment is reflected in Ueda's (1974) description of 16 different strategies Japanese employ to avoid saying "no..."
Many members of Japanese labor unions appear to agree with the head of the Hitachi Corporation's 70,000-member union that "what is good for the company is good for the union." To strike in a way that weakens the company is to weaken oneself. Thus, most "strikes," as Hsu and Ouchi describe them, are brief, symbolic, token affairs, often occurring during lunch hour or after closing time, with workers sometimes even making up lost production at no extra cost.
competitive behavior toward out-groups appears more acceptable than competitive behavior toward members of one's own in group.
Japanese people's intense capacity for accommodation makes them excessively conforming, overly sensitive to disapproval, prone to read failure not only as a personal humiliation but also as a disgrace to family and in-group members, and even inclined to atone by acts of self-destruction.
Tzu-kung said:
What do you think of the saying,
‘Poor but not groveling,
Wealthy but not arrogant.’
The Teacher said:
It's OK, but not as good as [the saying],
‘Poor but happy,
Wealthy but gracious and polite.’
Friendly Criticism
Tzu-kung asked about friendship.
The Teacher said:
Give the person your criticism
as a devoted friend,
Teach him in a nice way.
If it doesn't work, then stop.
Don't bring down resentment on yourself. (12/18)
Tzu-lu asked,
What must a person be like
in order that we can call him a [true] shih?
The Teacher said:
Serious, energetic, agreeable.
With is friends, serious and energetic.
With his family, agreeable.(13/28)
Words and Actions
No words emerged from the ancients
They feared their actions
would not equal them. (4/22)
The Teacher said:
The superior man aims at being cautious in his speech and ready in his actions.(4/24)
What a gentleman desires: [Being]
Slow to speak, prompt to do.' (4/24)
Able,
But asking advice from those without ability.
Having much,
But asking advice from those who had little.
Having, but acting as though he had nothing.
Solid, but acting like someone of no account.
Attacked, but not responding--
At one time I had a friend
Who pursued this way
of conducting his affairs. (8/5)
On Li
Able to govern the state with Li - -
what problems will there be?
Unable to govern the state with Li - -
what does this have to do with [true] Li?(4/13)
The Teacher said:
Courteous without Li - - boring
Cautious without Li - - timid
Bold without Li - - disorderly
Righteous without Li - - obnoxious. (8/2)
The Teacher said:
A man who lacks Goodness:
What does he have to do with [true] Li?
A man who lacks Goodness:
What does he have to do with Music?
The Teacher said:
Occupying a high position
but lacking generosity,
Performing Li
without [an internal feeling of] reverence,
Mourning without [genuine] sorrow--
How can I look at these things? (3/26)
The Teacher said:
'The superior man does not compete.'
[But perhaps sometimes] he must,
[as in] archery?
[No:] He ascends to the hall bowing good-naturedly, and takes the drink he's won.
In his ‘competing'
he remains a superior man.
Duke Ting asked how a ruler
should manage his officials
and how the officials should serve their ruler.
Confucius replied:
The ruler should manage his officials according to Li,
And the officials should serve their ruler according to Li. (3/19)
Chi K’ang, upset about the number of thieves in his state, asked Confucius about this:
Confucius said:
Get rid of your own cravings,
and they wouldn’t steal if you paid them to.
The Teacher said:
Lead them by means of laws
Unite society by means of punishments--
The people will avoid [punishments]
but have no [inner] sense of shame.
Lead them by means of Te
Unite society by means of the Li,
The people will have a sense of shame, and also become good.
The Teacher said:
You can get the people to do it
You can’t get them to understand it. (8/9)
The Teacher said:
In hearing court cases,
I am no better than other men.
What is necessary
Is to cause there to be no court cases.
The chief of the Meng family appointed Yang Fu to be chief criminal judge.
He went to see Tseng-tzu. Tseng-tzu said:
Those on top have lost Tao, [so] the people have been in a state of disorder for a long time.
If you [investigate and] find [the charges against someone are] true
Be sad and feel sorry for the person.
Do not take pride in this.
The Teacher said:
One who governs by Te
Can be compared to the North Star:
It [just] stays in its place
and all the stars revolve around it.
[When] gentlemen are generous
with their kin
The people are stimulated to Goodness.
[When] old dependants
are not abandoned
The people are not fickle. (8/2)
Someone said to Confucius:
Why aren't you in the government?
The Teacher said:
What does the Book of Songs say
about family loyalties - -
"You are loyal to your family,
you are good with your brothers.
[These are] the qualities
of your government."
This also constitutes "governing"
What's important about "being in the government"?
Tzu-lu asked about governing.
The Master said:
[Place yourself] before them
[as an example].
Work hard.
He asked for something more.
He said: Untiringly. (13/1)
Tzu-kung asked about government.
The Teacher said:
Enough food,
enough arms,
enough trust from the people.
Tzu-kung said, If something must unavoidably be given up, which of the three should be given up first?
The Teacher said: Give up the arms.
Tzu-kung said, If something must unavoidably be given up, which of the other two should be given up first?
The Teacher said: Give up food.
Since the beginning all have had to die.
[But] when the trust of the people is gone, nothing can stand.
Duke Ai asked,
What [can] I do
[to get] the people to be cooperative?
Confucius said:
Promote upright men [to government office],
dismiss the crooked ones,
then the people will be cooperative.
Promote the crooked,
dismiss the upright--
then the people will not be cooperative.
The Teacher said:
How very majestic!
Shun and Yu possessed the world
And [this] was of no importance [to them]. (8/18)