A Socratic Discussion of Patience

Section Two (Counterexamples and Corrective Clarifications)

Let's try to decipher what the essence is of admirable patience. Let's begin in Socratic fashion by thinking of counterexamples to some of the positive words (W) from the "B" columns above.  A counterexample is a story showing that a person can have some kind of W without having admirable patience.  Counterexamples thus show that that these words are ambiguous with respect to what is good and admirable.  Counterexamples will be followed by refinements describing more precisely that kind of W which is always closely related only to admirable patience.

Word #1: "Focused"

Counterexample: Jane is a waitress. She serves brunch in a busy restaurant. She is a habitually focused person. She has no trouble concentrating on remembering the multiple things that a waitress must keep track of while working a hard shift. However she is very snappy to her customers whenever they are too needy or demanding. She has little to no patience with their behavior.

So you see we can have a focused person who is not patient.

Contrastive Clarification of the meaning of "focused": The kind of "focus" that is closely related to admirable patience is the kind of focus which allows the mind to pare down to the important information and rationally act or speak.

[Note: At several points, this paper takes the previous corrective clarification as a new W that is still ambiguous and needs further clarification.  This is OK, but not necessary]

Word #2: "Paring down to the important information"

Counterexample: Jane is a detective. She is as focused internally as a person can be. She has been on a particular case for quite some time. At a crime scene she quickly asses the scattered pieces of evidence and is sure that the culprit is still in the house. Instead of patiently waiting for back up she rushes into the kitchen where she apprehends the suspect but is shot in the leg.

Corrective Clarification of the meaning of "paring down to important information: So perhaps the kind of "paring down information" that is related only to admirable patience is the kind that is connected to the ability to asses what the most positive outcome for everyone will be.

Word #3: "Thoughtful"

Counterexample: Jane is the mother of a sixteen year old girl named JoJo. JoJo is slightly plump but definitely not overweight. She looks like a healthy teenager. However JoJo does have a sweet tooth which causes Jane alarm, because she is afraid one day the calories will catch up to her daughter. Jane tells her daughter that she is "filling out" and she says this often even though it obviously upsets her emotional teenager. But she feels justified because she is concerned about her daughters overall health. Jane is being very thoughtful about her daughters health; and her intentions are good however she is not being patient about how she goes about dealing with the situation.

Contrastive Clarification of the meaning of "being thoughtful": So the kind of "being thoughtful" that is closely related to admirable patience is the kind connected to putting yourself in someone else's shoes, like empathy in order to achieve admirable patience.

Word #4: "Empathy"

Counterexample: So let's test "empathy." Jane is a nurse in the emergency room. She is a very internally and habitually patient person. She would have to be to maintain her job of ten years. A pregnant woman comes into her care having bad contractions It is her firs time having a baby and they discuss how the woman is very excited to be begin the large family she always dreamed of. She had been an only child. Jane discuses with the woman how happy she was to have grown up with several brothers and sisters and that she is happy the woman wants a big family. Suddenly the woman passes out and the baby goes into fetal distress. Jane cannot wait for the doctor or the woman to wake up and has to deliver the baby. In the process she finds that for medical reasons the woman will probably not be able to have more children if she continues the operation but she cannot wait patiently for the surgeon.

Therefore we can have empathy without patience.

Contrastive Clarification of the meaning of "empathy": To describe that kind of empathy (which could be defined as one person's ability to feel another persons situation) that is closely related admirable patience: It is that kind of empathy that is accepting, letting something be what it is for better or for worse.

Word #5: "Empathetic acceptance"

Counterexample: Jane is a drug addict. She lives with her boyfriend Bob. Jane continually verbally abuses Bob, steals his money and belongings and caries dangerous people around her. Bob and Jane had been in love for several years before she developed her habit. So Bob decides to be accepting of her problem. From the beginning he tries to get her professional help. He patiently admits her to rehab after rehab facility. He patently accepts the fact that she is sick and puts himself in her shoes knowing he would not want her to abandon him in time of need. He loves her so he sticks by her. Three years later Bob is in debt that will take years to repay he has gone gray he lost all his friends and even his family keeps their distance. Jane is still using. Bob is still patiently accepting.

So Bob is both thoughtfully empathetic and accepting of the outcome, and very patient. This is not however an admirable patience. Jane is sinking deeper and deeper into her disease and Bob is being effected only negatively be her and his actions. Everyone is moving into a more and more negative existence.

Contrastive Clarification of the meaning of "empathetic acceptance": This needs a refinement. Maybe this empathetic acceptance needs to have added a clarification that the parties involved need to be at least trying (regardless of the outcome) to lift themselves and others into a more positive and moral existence than they are currently in. So the "acceptance" in question refers primarily to a thought process, "accepting" as a basic attitude toward another, not necessarily to behavior that is totally accepting of everything that that other does.

Let's try again. Jane is a drug addict. Her husband Bob had a basically "accepting" attitude toward his wife, but he did not accept everything she wanted to do.  He sent her to a rehab facility, for the second time. After her stay, he had her go to a half way house, he changed the locks and only let their children see her when she was stable. Bob was accepting because he patiently loved his wife and stuck by her, even though at a distance at times, as long as Jane was at least making an effort to help herself and stay positive.  All in all in the next five years she had two relapses, but now has been clean for ten years and they are a happy healthy family due to Bob's admirable patience, his ability to protect himself and his children and Jane.

Section Three: Prioritizing, Organizing, and Unifying

[Note: The discussions in this last section of the paper that follows, consist partly in reviewing some of the earlier stories.  This has misled some students, looking at this sample paper, into thinking that this kind of review is the main task of this last section.  Telling stories is relatively easy to do, because it sticks to concrete descriptions of what a V person does, and does not require much abstract generalization.  But abstract generalization is the main purpose of this last section -- to try to unify the various general concepts arrived at in previous discussions, by saying how these general concepts are related to each other around some single concept that is common core.  I've underlined some words and passages to draw attention to the essential aspects of this discussion that actually contribute to "unifying and organizing" concepts from the previous sections.  ML]

Discussing how words are related to each other to get closer to the essence of admirable patience, is difficult. let's take "calm" and "peaceful" for instance.  How are they related to each other in the case of admirable patience?

Using the two stories of drug addicted Jane, we see that in story one Bob is calm. He is also peaceful. However this is not really working for either of them. Peaceful is a word that we associate often with how we are towards others. In story two it could be said that Bob is peaceful in a way, but he also keeps his children away from his wife and changes the locks on their house. That is not peaceful behavior. However it is internally peaceful, that is turned inwardly peaceful behavior so there may need to be a refinement of the word "peaceful" in order to have it be a part of admirable patience.

Then there is the calm Bob. Bob is calm in story one but he is stressed out all the time. So therefore Bob gives out the appearance of being calm both on the inside and outside when he is actually only calm on the outside. Probably due more to exhaustion and defeat than a positive version of calm anyway. Maybe a refinement of "calm" needs to have the element of an internally relaxed person. In story two Bob is internally relaxed and stable with his wife and his children and the entire situation. These two refinements of "peaceful" and "calm" are connected to each other, a connection that can be summarized by speaking of "an inward relationship with oneself that is healthy, positive and relaxed."

Now let's see how "autonomy" and "letting something grow at its own pace" are related to each other. Again let's use the two drug-addicted Jane's. In both stories Bob gives Jane the drug rehab facilities which is an autonomy for it gives her the ability to get strait through information and counseling. It gives her the ability to figure out for herself that her life will be better off if she is clean.

How is this related to "letting something grow at its own pace"?  Well that needs a refinement because in the first story Jane never grows and in the second story she does. This commonly used phrase "grow at your own pace" is often used in a context where something is stagnant for long periods of time. So the refinement would have to be that "the person is actually growing." The rate does not matter and the setbacks don't matter, but there must be a mostly upward growth, morally and positively. In this way these two words seem to have in common the idea a change. But change in a growth related sense. So maybe an essence of patience is that when admirable it leaves the possibility for moral, physical, spiritual, growth. The common core in all four of these ideas seems to be a internal, spiritual and moral growth.

What about the relationship between being actively mentally engaged and slowing down/taking your time. This would be the opposite of being hasty/hurrying and being lazy or having fear driven inaction disguised as patience. How are these two ideas related?

Once again the common core seems to be "inner motivations that are moral and bring about a positive change for the people involved." And when we say a positive change it is important to clarify the idea of positive to be spiritually positive as opposed to monetarily or any other type of positive change that may not be spiritually and morally positive.

Concluding Paragraph (unifying related concepts around a single common core)

So the essence of empathy may be an inner relaxation, that is a relationship with oneself that is based on a deep understanding of oneself and the ability to slow down and feel what is happening at a relaxed level. Then that leads a person to feel empathy, a deep understanding of another person or situation and still have acceptance not trying to control or manipulate, for what may follow, by way of giving any information that may be helpful but still letting things take their natural course to achieve their full potential. This deep inner peace will leave a person mentally and physically able to deal in the most moral and positive way, the most admirably positive way that they can.